Why is 6 so afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9!
Some months have 30 days. Some have 31 days. How many have 28 days?
They all do!
A vulture boards a plane carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant says “I’m sorry but we only allow each passenger two carrions.”
Today’s different was Amateur Comedy Night and it was a 100% total disaster. Nobody, absolutely nobody, found my jokes funny. The room was simply dead silent. Not a chuckle. Not a smile. Not even an eye roll. As I squirmed on the stage, knees knocking and dying inside, all I could think about was magically disappearing through a hole in the floor.
Yep, it was painful. Root canal painful. But what made it worse was this different was not a surprise. Ella understood my discomfort for new things, so she told me that morning what we’d be doing that night. I had time to prepare. Time to research and write jokes. Time to practice my stage presence and delivery. Yet even with the ten hours she gave me to get it together, this different was an epic fail.
After my brutal performance, Ella gave me an A for preparation, effort and resilience. But no A for sense of humour. More “needs improvement” or a D. I felt horrible. Like any best friend, Ella comforted me. She told me she thought I was funny. She told me my dad and brother thought so too. And deep in my heart, I knew that I was. I had cracked up a whole room in the past. Just not tonight. Not for this different. I moped around for a bit but then stopped. I was not letting one bad experience define me. I was better than that. I got an A for resilience! I just needed to let go and move on.
Which reminded me of something Mom always told me. If plan A fails, don’t forget there are 25 letters left. So I’m going to try this again. New audience, new jokes. Here you go blog readers, here’s a couple exclusives for you:
H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K = Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge
You know, your Santa impression could use a little work.
What do you call someone that doesn’t fart in public?
A private tutor.
Ha! Ha! LOL! Bet you laughed this time!